A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."
'I shagged your Mum last night' says the first 'She sat on my face, rubbed her tits all over my cock then begged me to stick it up her Ar$e before w@nking me off into her mouth.'
'I think we should go home, Dad. I think you've had too much to drink' _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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An on duty Gendarme spots a hire car approaching the Champs Elysees with a rear light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins.
Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.
Gendarme: Ah, you are on holiday my friends?
Davy: Aye, that's right big yin. We've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years.
Gendarme: So I guess you come to France to get away from ze rainy weather you have in Ecosse?
Davy: Naw, it nearly always pishes doon when we come here. Your weather's nae better than oors, in't that right Boaby?
Boaby: Aye.
Gendarme: Zen I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy.
Davy: Naw, yer food's mingin big man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of pieces to avoid eating your s *** e.
Gendarme: Zen you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely.
Davy: Yer swally's boggin, we've hid tae bring a kerry oot. In't that right Boaby?
Boaby: Aye.
Gendarme (by now ever so slightly bemused): Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne madamoiselles, ze most beautiful women in Europe .
Davy: Yer kiddin in't ye! The burds here are dugs, ah widnae touch them wae a ten fit pole big yin.
Gendarme (by now rather irate): Zen why do you people come to our country if everysing ees so bad?
Boaby: It's the only chance oor Davy gets tae drive ! _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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I got a new set of wiper blades on my car . I think they might be too big because they hang over the edges a little, but I don't care, they work great and I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that I actually like to watch working.
Call me crazy, but lately I have been driving around non-stop with them on. I've even been pulled over and the cop asked to go for a ride so he could watch them work.
They were outrageously expensive (being French), but safety is my main concern and like I said, they work great. Let me know if you would like a pair for your car.
Impressive design, elegant hardware, although
I have some reservations about the washer option
_________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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Pitty it was steve eh...
