John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only be in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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Emile Heskey might have had a rubbish World cup but he really pulled himself together, pulled on a frock and went on to win the Ladies singles championship at Wimbledom*
* Ruckycarnage no longer acknowledges 'don' in any word and will now replace it with Dom. _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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They are both expensive to keep and should be washed once a week whether they need it or not. _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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Jennifer* recently lost her husband. She brought his ashes home and poured him out onto the patio table. Whilst tracing her fingers through his ashes she began talking to him.
'You know that fur coat you promised me?....I bought it with the insurance money.'
'Remember the new car you promised?...I bought that as well.'
'Also the emerald necklace? Got that too.'
'Remember the blow job I promised......get ready'
That one for the woman in your life
* It's just a coincidence Ali. Honest! _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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Saw a bloke in Asda shagging a toilet roll! I thought, 'that's charmin.' _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.' He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 26 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.......
That was me.......' _________________ The Coin of destiny is not your friend and is not to be trusted.
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Fridge for Sale?
Raymond, from Woodley, Reading, Berkshire purchased a new fridge. The local council wanted £20 to remove his old fridge in an environmentally friendly fashion, so in order to save money he put it in his front garden with a sign that read, 'Free to a good home. You want it, please take it.'
The fridge stood untouched for 4 days.
Raymond changed his tactics. He made a sign saying, 'Fridge for sale - £50.'
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